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Pirate Fest, June 2012 - Put-in-Bay, OH

Chapter 8th: The Lob and Friends chapter featuring... Lob and friends. There were a number of animals (both real and not) at the Put-in-Bay event this year (in case you're wondering, Lob is real) and I thought it would be nice to take and put them all into their own chapter (well, he seems real to me) and bring in a special guest commentator. (I mean, I see him all the time and he's always doing things, so he must be real.) So without further ado, (Right?), I present... Snoopy! (RIGHT?!)
DAS Comic 1
That's not quite what I was
looking for
DAS Comic 2
(All images from The Complete
books by Fantagraphics)
DAS Comic 3
While an interesting twist,
but that's not it either...
DAS Comic 4
Well! That is definitely more
in tune with pirates, but...

No, see, Snoopy, what I brought you in for was to get an animal's point-of-view of the Pirate Fest. I thought an animal could give us a unique view of what characters like Lob, Flapjack, Scrofia and Grace think. I want the readers to see what the world of pirate reenacting looks like from an animal's perspective.

Don't know any animals
"Lob can gives perry spectacles! Lob is best of all perry spectacles monkey in all the world! Lob will go on and on... *mfffph!*"

...and on and on about nothing. That's why you'll be spending this chapter in my pocket, Lob. "*Mffth!*"

See, Snoopy, I have all these photos from the 2012 Put-in-Bay Pirate Fest. All you have to do is look them over and comment on them. Maybe we can even get some of the animals themselves to chime in from time to time. "Urmmmph Frummth!" Well, except for Lob.

Take Scrofia, for example - he's a boar.

Scrofia and Lob on the Mercury Flag
Photo: Mission
Yes, Scrofia. See the species name for a boar is Sus scrofa and I was playing off that when I named him.

["Hakuna matata!"]

What was that Scrofia?

["Hakuna matata. It means no worries."]

In which language? Anyhow, it was his first trip after being trapped in the bowels of the storage area for the Santa Maria for a year and a half and...

"Lob don't care none about boar! Boar is big pricky dummy head who get in Lob's way and makes Lob want to throw poop at stupid writer and people who...

Hey! Hey! What is big stupid-head Scuffy doing?! Puts Lob down! Let go Lob! Lob will throw poops at you! Hey! Stop! *Mfurrge.*"

I think it's probably best to put Lob back in my pocket now. Bad Scrofia! I'm afraid you'll have to be punished now. We're going to force you to ride in the passenger seat of the car all the way home!

Scofia enjoying Lob's company
Photo: Mission
["Slimy, yet satisfying!"]
Cheeky alarmed at Scrofia
Photo: Mission
Cheeky alarmed at Scrofia enjoying Lob
Scrofia traveling in style
Photo: Michael Colosimo
Scrofia liking punishment. ["Hakuna matata!"]

See, that's how it's done. It's easy! Go ahead, try writing about them. You can do it!

Writing about Lob

Well let's take another example: Flapjack. Flapjack is a monkey like Lob.

Up until then
Flapjack with Carla
Photo: Mission
Other than being a monkey, Flapjack is really nothing like Lob.


He's rather calm and, so far as I've noticed, doesn't say anything whatsoever. Plus he just got a new hat. There's a story there, actually. Perhaps I should tell it.

That's not something to think about
Carla (who is Flapjack's keeper or mother or whatever title is for the parental figures in the Sos Boss collective) explained that I had been making fun of Flapjack wearing a period incorrect leather tricorn in a previous Journal. While she found this somewhat humorous (or so she said), she decided she would make him something that was a bit PC. So Carla made Flapjack his own tricorn hat during the time between the Columbus event and this one so I couldn't make fun of it. At least I think she made it. Maybe she bought it. I didn't really look at it closely enough to be sure.

Actually, that's not much of a story is it? At least it's a mildly diverting and something to think about for a bit.

Flapjack spent a lot of his time at the displays, 'helping out,' as you see in the photos below.

Flapjack riding Scrofia
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack takes a shot at
taming Scrofia
Flapjack hauling away Joe
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack joins M.A. d'Dogge in the tireless effort to 'Haul
Away Joe'
Flapjack going for the gun
Photo: Mary Diamond
Flapjack prepares to shoot kids
at the Kid's Table

At some point during the day, the ever-daring Flapjack decided to wander off into the camp and see what sort of things he could participate in. (This is in direct opposition to Lob's SOP, which usually involves seeing just how much mischief he can cause and now many bad habits he can engage in. "*Rulphth yuughh froolt!*" Hush, you.) Here are some more of Flapjack's madcap adventures in the display encampment.

Flapjack and Soldier
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack with the Soldiers
Flapjack writing a letter
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack Taking a Letter
Flapjack in the Patrick Hand Original Hat
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack Playing Surgeon
Flapjack on top
Photo: Sos Boss
Flapjack Riding on Top

Cheated of the Great Joys
Flapjack plays chaperone
Photo: Mission
You really couldn't find a more gentle, companionable creature to spend your idle hours with.

For example, we find him playing chaperone there at left. In the main, Flapjack seems to be more helpful and charming than anything else. So, as you can see, he really doesn't fit in with the pirates at all when you come down to it.

"Lob not likes Fliptop! He no throws poop! He no drinks booze! He no smokes cigs! He no gropes chicks! What the- *flurgh griff*"

Wait, here's a really good one for you, Snoopy. Grace! Grace is Tammi's dog - you should be able to speak for one of your fellow canine's right?

I doubt it.

Really? I mean you guys are the same species, right? Don't all dogs speak the same language? Or is it because you're just too philosophical for the average dog?

"Lob is not too silly follicle for the Grace! Let me at her! Lob will show doggie a good time! Lob is one fun monkey! Teachings old doggie some of them new tricks!"

"Look, Lob is cowpoker! Get along little doggie! No? Then get a short little doggie! Get any kinds of doggie you can because Lob rides again! Yee-haw!"

Photo: Mission

Lob gets on Grace
Photo: Mission
"Psst! Hey doggie. Go and climb
on girlie! Go now! Be hurrying!"
Lob riding Grace
Photo: Mission
"Yee-haw! Lob is ridings the doggie.
Play Magnificent 7 music!"
Lob on Mary Diamond
Photo: Mission
"OK, doggie! Jump! Jump onto girlie so Lob can show
you how it is to paw the chicks!"

Got you, you squirrel!
"Lob no squirrel! Lob is bestest dam- *gurf!*"
I really need to put a zipper on that pocket...

How uncivilized
True. He sure gets a lot of fan letters, though. He even has his own Facebook page, you know. But in this day and age I suppose that's not unusual. So long as they don't start sending him credit card offers... You know, I have friends whose pets have actually received them.

"Lob wants credit cardz! Lob buy lots of booze and cigs and hoo- *gurn!*"

Anyhow, we were talking about Grace, Tammi's dog. Tammi and Matt took Grace on a photo odyssey during the day... well, after you see the photos below, you'll probably think of it as being more of a photo oddity...

Whatever you call it, they carried Grace around Put-in-Bay into places it would never even occur to your author to take a dog and shot photos of her. Grace got treated almost as good as we treat Lob. "*Roifths!*" Shut up.

Grace in the Gibbet
Photo: Tammi
Grace in the gibbet. It doesn't look like a
very effective torture, does it?
Mike holding Grace in the stocks
Photo: Tammi
Grace in the stocks. Imagine how long her
legs were after that!
Grace as a skeleton
Photo: Tammi
Grace as a spooooky skeleton in some bar.
Wore her to the bone, they did.

Well, we've held him back for as long as possible in this chapter, but we've come to the concluding character in our critter cavalcade.

Don't tell me
Yep. We have to talk about Lob.
"Yee-yee-yaw! Lob escapes! Lob is best one in all animule kennel cave!"
Dammit, you ripped my pocket, you little miscreant monkey!
"No more pocket protectorate!"
Protectorate...? How could you possibly know what that word means?
"Lob is free monkey! Lob is gonna go onna binge!"
Come back here you!
" Ye-he-he! Lob is off for drinks and smokes and chasing dames!"
(Probably with a knife...)
Snoopy, stop him! Grab the little...
"Woo-hoo-hoo! See you writers suckers at the later!"
Quick don't let him... geez. We have to go and get him now.

Forget it Aw, c'mon, I could really use your help here, Snoopy. I know he's kind of an annoying monkey, but between the two of us ...three of us, if you bring Woodstock... we can catch him.

I say, forget it.You're not going to be a quitter are you? I could really use the help here.

You have those canine instincts that could be useful in hunting him out. Plus you have that nose...that nose! Sorry, what I mean is that you can use your superior sense of smell to track Lob down. (Because no one can possibly smell as bad as Lob does. We won't even need to give you something to get onto his scent, it's so obnoxious.) You started out helping me, you may as well finish.

Why do we start these things?I knew you would do it! I see Woodstock seems worried. It's probably best if we don't bring him. Who knows what Lob might do to him.

This is going to be a long dayYou should probably have a weapon - Lob's not dangerous, other than his desire to throw poop, but he is rather spastic. Maybe a friendly weapon like this tennis racket.

We could bring Scrofia too. He's pretty tough.

["Hakuna matata!']

You know, on second thought let's not bring Scrofia. You never know when he might break into song or get distracted by a nest of grubs or something. The last thing I want to do is chase a boar filled with grubs around the park.

Let's start looking in the display encampment. He likes to hang out there and mess with other people's stuff.

Lob in the fish mug
Photo: Mission
"They no finds me here! Hee hee!"
Lob in for a shave
Photo: Michael Colosimo
"Maybe I goes in for a shave! Bald monkey ass! Ha ha hah!"
Lob sitting on bananas
Photo: Michael Colosimo
"Is bananas in my pocket or...?"

Hey, Snoopy, he's over there on top of the bananas! I'll distract him while you sneak around back and bop him with the tennis racket. Then I'll grab him when he's reeling. OK? All right... Hey LOB! I'm coming for you! Oh, Snoopy, look out! Lob's gonna...ouch!

Keep the ship steady Lob on the buoy
Photo: Mission
Hmm. Maybe it's best if I try to catch him myself for a bit.

I wonder where Lob went? He was scarpering off in the direction of the waterfront when I last saw him. I don't see him anywhere...

Oh, look, Put-in-Bay has a buoy painted similar to the one in Key West. The Rum Republic, huh? Interesting. But not very helpful.

Lob is hard to catch because he can move so quickly - he has such long, bendy legs and large, gangly arms.

"Lob no gots large ganglions! Lob is healthiest monkey around all of place!"

Darn it! I almost had him, but he got by me again. I wonder where he could be hiding now?

Lob on Michael C's hat
Photo: Mission
"No one finds me up here!"
Lob in Michael C's hat
Photo: Michael Colosimo
"Lob like sniffing big, stupid flower with shiny button on hat."
Lob on Michael Bagley's hat
Photo: Mission
"Lob in hat transit system!"

Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place. Knowing Lob, he's probably gone off to some bar somewhere...

Lob smoking and drinking 1
Photo: Michael Colosimo
"Now this is all Lob's ideas about living!"
Lob in a forest of beer bottles
Photo: Mission's Camera
"Lost in the forest of goodnesses!"
Lob smoking and drinking 2
Photo: Michael Colosimo
"Pudding-Bay be Lob's kind of place!"

Lob with Cheeky
Photo: Mary Diamond
"Lob does likes copping a cheap feel!"
Lob and Thing 1
Photo: Mission
"Girlie said she's Thing 1, but she lie."
Lob and the Olive Girls
Photo: Mission
"Lob gets kissings from Wondering Womens."

A great idea
Ah, Snoopy you're back. Well, it's no good. I couldn't find Lob. I'm pretty sure he's at one of the bars, but I can't seem to catch up with him. I guess we're just going to have to let him run wild on Put-in-Bay until he exhausts himself. At least it's a good place for it. It's hard being the writer of a story when your characters won't cooperate with you, you know? Well, I'm sort of tired of this chapter anyhow. I think I'll just call it a day.

"Whoo-hoo! Lob is happiest of all monkeys in Pudding Bay! Catch 'em if you cans! Wee hee hee!"


<Suddenly and without warning, the story transmogrifies into the following series of photos.>

Mark Gist whipping Lob
Photo: Mission
"Hey! Lob no likes! Ow! What happens to all booze & cigs?"
Michael Bagley whipping Lob
Photo: Mission
"Ow! How does Lob gets into this place? Where is all chicks! Ow!"


Whoa! What happened?! How did Lob wind up there?


Oh, so when I told you we were the writers of the story, you figured that all you guys had to do was rewrite the part about Lob! Well, that's pretty clever! You guys would make good pirates!

"Ouch! Lob no thinks so! They bad pirates! Ow! Dumb bird and big-nose doggie go 'way!"

Wouldn't mind seeing the ocean

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