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Blackbeard Pirate Festival, June 2008 - Hampton, VA

Mission with a clyster syringe
(Photo: withoutaname/Shana)
Mission the surgeon with his new toy: a clyster.
Note how frightfully happy he looks.
Introduction: Being the medical journal of the good (actually, excellent) surgeon Mission who was shanghaied and pressed into service by the pirate hunters of the Archangel where they were very needfully irrigated with his splendid new pewter clyster syringe due to recurring issues of the fundament as is given in the instructions by the good Chirurgeon John Woodall in his outstanding(ly hard to read) book The Surgeon's Mate; and focusing primarily upon the events occurring in the Hampton Harbour in Virginia as Captain Sterling of the Archangel crewe assumed the duties of the harbour master, apparent during the Hampton Blackbeard Festival in the year of our lord 1718 (or possibly in the year 2008, if you want to be really picky about it.) Also containing a description of the site and wretched pirates including Edward Teach known to many as Blackbeard, whom he never actually met.

Chapter 1st - Friday, Driving - An account of the particulars of the looooong drive to Hampton Virginia; the reason Mission's group never went about setting up their camp; a bunch of pictures from an event that the ship's surgeon did not attend and an explanation of why Captain Sterling and Mad Mary Diamond of the Archangel Crew hang around on street corners in the middle of the towne at 2am.

Michael Bagley, Kate Souris and I left Columbus using their GPS. They've named the GPS Susan – or maybe Kate's father has named it Susan – or maybe her father's sister is named Susan and this somehow relates to the GPS...maybe all three...maybe I'm off track. This was a wonderful tool as it allowed us to put our brains in neutral and let Susan get us hopelessly lost. (This makes a GPS the ultimate tool as you now have someone else to blame when you get hopelessly lost.) She would warn us in advance of any possible turn and scold us if we dared to get off the freeway for any reason whatsoever. I blame this on the understanding gap created by Susan's not having a bladder.

We arrived in Hampton at 2am and thank God they had Captain Sterling's phone number or we'd still be looking for the campsite. (Since we'd lose our jobs by spending the weeks and months it will have been by the time you read this, we'd be in our vehicle, begging for food and directions, listening to Susan scold us for not going through the dead end sign as directed.) There's nothing like a 9 hour drive into the wee hours to turn your mind into mush. I believe the captain roused from his sleep and drug Mad Mary Diamond along to the street corner (insert witty, clever comment here) we needed to be at then guided us to the site. [To locate this bit of happening, see Hampton Event Location Point Number 1 on your guide map.]

A map of with smilies At left: This is where it all happened: the city of downtown Hampton. The little smiley guys (stolen from the Pyracy.com website) and the numbers (stolen from a font website) on the map (stolen from the event website) are all explained in the text. I could explain them here, but that would be a pain in the neck and your ship's surgeon is nothing if not a lazy sod.

Apparently there was some sort of high tone and fancy to-do up at the Virginia Air and Space Center. We wondered how it could be that three upstanding people such as ourselves did not merit an invitation, but we did get to see photos. (Yeah, I know, your own wonderful ship's surgeon is not in any of these photos because he wasn't there. Just go with it - it gives me something other than that stupid map to put on this page, see?) [See Hampton Event Location Point Number 2 on your guide map.]

Edward and Lily at the Ball (Photo: Mary Diamond) Gig and Doubleshot at the ball (Photo: Mary Diamond) Captain Sterling and Cheeky at the ball (Photo: Cheeky Actress)

Above: photos from the high tone and fancy to-do at the Air and Space Museum, from left: Edward O'Keefe and Lily Alexander; Aminjiria/Mad Jack's parents Gigi and Doubleshot and Captain Sterling with Cheeky Actress.

Four pirate couples posing
(Photo: Mary Diamond)
Mary Diamond in her ball gown
(Photo: Mary Diamond)
Left: ...at first I was at a loss for words on this one (which you might understand is a rare thing.)

Then I realized what it reminded me of. If you turned everyone into silhouettes, you'd have a Charlie's Angels pose. (Or a Kid's Next Door Pose - which I have just realized must have been based upon the Charlie's Angels pose! You heard it here first!)

Right: Mary Diamond in magnificent raiment. She often looks so serious...but don't let that fool you. Wry, she is.

Silkie McDonough holding a mask up to her face
(Photo: Mary Diamond)
Mad Jack holding up two bottles of rum
(Photo: Cheeky Actress)
Left: The Captain with Silkie McDonough -the Capt. is apparently a
two-timing cad!

 

Right: Mad Jack with a difficult choice. (This will become relevant shortly.)

A comforting sign Upon arriving at the campsite courtesy of our corner guides, we looked mutely at the quiet, roped in site full of probably sleeping people. Then we looked at the rolled up tent in the back of the truck with all its stakes to be pounded and poles to be erected. Looked at the peaceful site, looked at the bunched up tent. The silent site, the wad of tent. Site, tent. Site, tent. Site, tent.

Fortunately, our tennis-match gazes were allayed when Captain Sterling and Mary arranged to give us some comp passes to the local Holiday Inn due the logistic challenges of setting up camp with heads full of oatmeal in place of brains.

Your wonderful old surgeon Mission is as soft as a Hostess Ho Ho when it comes to luxuries, so he stayed the whole weekend at the H. Inn while Micky and Kate bravely took to the tent. God love you adventurous people who will have severe pains in their backs come Monday. I guess I've been shanghaied by the Archangel crew this weekend - oh the fortunes of the surgeon in the pirate world...

At left: A sign of civilization, even in the pyrate world!

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